Oh wow 😳. How true. Seek counseling. Grief counselors are very helpful. I was in an eclectic group of widows and widowers who were still raising children. It's a journey and getting through those levels takes effort. Tears help you heal believe it or not. One day at a time.let people help you..there are angels 😇 close by that will go on walks with you and "listen".
Coming from someone who lost her husband 12 years ago, just remember there’s no right or wrong way to grieve. Don’t ever let anybody tell you if, or when, you should be moving on. Only you know in your heart, how you feel. Just take it one day at a time, and trust in the Lord to comfort you during this time. I am so sorry for your loss. It is a difficult one.!
I am so sorry for your loss 💔 I can't even imagine.
If it isn't too much to ask:
Coming from a wife who is terminally ill, do you have any advice on how I can help my husband with all this? I have come to terms with everything, but he has had a very hard time and I am not sure what to do or say, sometimes 😕
Record something for him. Tell him you love him, but tell him you're ok and he made your life wonderful. Tell him if he feels guilty about anything, that none of it matters anymore and you forgive him. And you hope he can forgive you too for anything at all.
The girl I was going to marry isn't dead as far as I know, but that's all I think about when I think of her. 13 years alone now, depressed, still in love with her and I can't even remember what her voice sounds like. And all I can think about is trying to tell her I'm sorry for the way that I was. I hope every day that she got what she wanted in life and found a better man than me.
I've put up some high walls. I keep everybody at a distance with a little charm and a little humor. I just don't want anyone to get close enough that I'd be vulnerable again. If someone ever took the time to get over the walls I've put up, I might consider being vulnerable again. Let my walls protect us both, I guess. But no one's interested and that's alright. I'm not the first person that was lonely, I won't be the last. It's part of the human condition.
Same boat. I've broken many hearts and had mine broken as well. I can't do it anymore. When I finally grew up at 50 years old, I realized that I never met a girl/ woman that I would trust with my life. I'm still good friends with my ex wife and that's good enough for me. I get lonely on the weekends, but I only know of like 2 couples that are happily married. I know plenty that are miserable. I just don't have what it takes anymore to sustain a relationship. I don't want to be vulnerable ever again. I make excuses to avoid meeting people. I avoid social environments and any place I might encounter good looking women. Pretty lame.
I'm 36. For the last 13 years, I've been putting all the energy that I'd use to sustain a relationship into learning. Teaching myself everything I can get my hands on. Gunsmithing, bowyer, language, fine arts, anything. Civilize the mind, but make savage the body. I've been dieting and working out. Even though I may never see her again, I'm trying to become the man I always thought she deserved.
That's true. However I do believe we are meant to share our existence. And I will also say that one can love and be loved without necessarily allowing oneself to be hurt and/or vulnerable. I have a very good relationship with my second husband, but after an abusive and disastrous first marriage and some years while hubby #2 suffered from mental issues, I can tell you I am well guarded. But I also recognize the benefits of growing old with someone who is mostly like minded to myself and I am glad for the companionship and I have the benefit of knowing he is truly devoted to me. I wish you all the best.
I can absolutely relate to everything you said. Of course there is tons more to it but I don't feel this is the time on this post to talk about it. Just know that you aren't alone and that I know your pain well.
I'm so tired of the Montgomery aristocrats and old money running Alabama. If I didn't have this crusade, I'd truly have no reason to wake up in the morning lol
I have to admit I go to r/grief sometimes to let off steam about the loss of my mother. Most of them are probably pink haired commies, thinking I am one of them. However, they have been very empathetic to me and write some kind hearted replies. Now if they knew I was a conservative, I would probably be told I deserve to suffer, lol.
Hey pede- I just wanted to say, I understand where you are coming from. We all wonder what the point is in this crazy clown world. But then you look around and see the crazy pedes wrecking face on the commies. That's what to look forward to, man. Keep a bit of hope that one day you too can wreck a commies day. Hopefully this helps you a bit, may God's peace be with you!
If you ever need to talk let me know, I can't ever let somebody in need down :)
Well if he had addiction problems before the child died, then addiction could be the problem don’t you think.
But I wasn’t referring to people using drugs or drinking as a means of grieving.
I was referring to the point that, as a widow… Nobody wants to be around you. They don’t know what to say, they don’t know what to do, and for some reason they think they’re responsible or something.
Then there’s the people that try and tell you a year out, that you need to MoveOn, get over it, and find somebody else.
It’s been 12 years for me, and I have never remarried, and I may never do that. There are other reasons for that as well, but up until two years ago when my cousin stole my wedding ring I was still wearing my wedding band every day.
My comment was merely stating that each person is going to grieve in a different way. Some people never get over it, and I don’t recommend that, but I wouldn’t begrudge somebody because they’re still suffering.
I also didn’t mention that when my husband died in the hospital, his parents didn’t call me down there because his mom admitted him as single. They pulled the plug on him without me being there or my permission. I didn’t find out about that till several years afterwards. Because they had lied to me! Also too late to file a case against them because of the time limits.
Last March, I finally for gave them. I sent them a letter, and for gave them for taking away my right to say goodbye to my husband before he died. It was huge for me, because I help unforgiveness in my heart for so many years. But all it did was destroy me, they’ve never said they’re sorry, and they’ve never even admitted they’ve done anything wrong. But I’m free now. I have no ill will towards them, and I am finally free of that unforgiveness.
There’s so much more to the story, but I’m not gonna waste my time right now. I don’t recommend using drugs or drinking to deal with grief. So that was not what my comment was about at all.
But as usual on PDW - thank you for your positive uplifting comment!
One expression that's helped me in the past is that 'the burden of sorrow does not lessen, but we become stronger so we can carry it'.
I dont want to push away the thoughts of lost loved ones that make me sad, I want to remember them, but those thoughts sure are hard to carry every day. I hope things get easier for you soon, and tha you're able to reconcile this shitty unfair life in a way that helps you and your loved ones as much as can be.
In case it helps, in my family we will often name the new kids after the family they'll never meet. This way they'll always have that connection and curiosity about their namesake.
Totally understandable. What amazes me, as I still have some of these people on Facebook. I don’t go there but maybe every three or four months. But they’ve all gotten on with their life no problem. It’s just so weird!
I lost both of my younger brothers 5 yrs apart and it has been 19 & 14 years of missing them daily.
One passed away from complications from diabetes the other was murdered grief stays with you but you live with it for them do things you know they would want to do
.
Lost my forever husband 4 years ago. I agree no one can tell you when to 'move on", My husbands mom even told me it was time to move on. Thank you for sharing your story.
You’re very welcome. Grief is a very difficult thing, four years is nothing so far. I’m not trying to say that in a rude way, I’m just saying 4 years is not a long time to have to deal with the loss like that. I pray that the Lord gets you through it and in time that you can MoveOn in a way that you can live a better life. That doesn’t mean you’ll get another partner, but at least try to deal with daily life without your life partner
You’re welcome. It was a long time coming and I did have a lot of hate in my heart for a long time but not anymore and it feels great. It’s actually a wonderful feeling. God bless you and have a great day!
I agree with you. Everybody grieves in their own way.
As an aside... I think those grieving by utilizing their addictions suffer the most - so I do think they require some love as well. I think we all struggle with addictions. No matter how small, sin is sin.
I totally understand about the addiction portion. I suffered from addiction for 13 years when I was younger. It is difficult, everybody deserves love, and I think if more people were loving and kind and compassionate to others they would be less evil in the world. Yes even the smallest of sins is sin. That’s why we need Jesus. It’s so simple. God bless you and have a great night!
Also… I can’t imagine losing a child. It was hard enough losing my husband, but losing a child tears marriages apart. I hope things are going better for that person.
Don't try to not be sad. In my experience that doesn't work, most vices don't work either. Talking does help but it takes time and seeking numbness is seductive but didn't help me.
Sometimes it's easier at first to talk to strangers then a priest, therapist or a group help some people; family and friends are better for others. I made a lot of bad choices before making better ones and for me that may have been the only path.
Try and forgive yourself if you don't get it right at first I don't think anybody does.... I've lost so many friends and loved ones over the years I ought to be good at it by now, I'm not.
We had sex at his parents house on the couch in the back room. That’s the last time I saw him.
He did come visit me in my room the first year that he was gone, along with our cat that had died the same day. I would sit and talk with him, he would just listen.
Yeah I went to the store to get a pack of cigarettes, when I came back and the cat ran under my truck, I broke her back. We spent the night at the animal hospital. It was a very awkward situation, my daughter had to deal with most of it she was a teenager at the time. The only thing that comforted me is my friend said that maybe Aaron was on the other side, and he was calling her to him because there was a disturbance in his passing and he needed her. It was a very sad day indeed.
Yes! There are many other times in different places. Oddly enough at my friends house in Los Angeles. But they had a lot of paranormal activity in the area.
Actually I wasn’t afraid at all. I’m kind of an empath, or have had premonitions about things, that have come true. I have many more other encounters with the other side long before my husband passed. I could tell you many stories, but we’ll just stick with the one with my husband and my cat masquerade.
Dear Heavenly Father I lift up OP to you. We ask father, they would send your mighty angels all around him and his house, to comfort him in this time of trouble. We ask Lord that you would provide to him in a supernatural way, for him to know and understand why his girlfriend is gone now. I pray that she knew you as her Lord and Savior, and that OP does too. Show OP pay your love, kindness, and compassion, and your tender mercies. In Jesus name amen!
Hugs friend. It won't be easy but I believe in you. You are worthy of this next challenge. Cherish those you love, grow, fight like hell. I am with you
Well f*ck this wasn’t the thread I was looking for as I lay my head on a pillow next to my wife and young child. I’m a man of strong faith but narily doth I profess a steely indifference to the thought of those closest to me passing suddenly. Protect us with your infinite love and mercy O Jah
Seriously. When I was 37 I nearly died from a ruptured brain aneurysm. I was in peak physical health. It would have been extremely unexpected for everyone that knows me.
Could be an accident, medical condition, or murder. Had a friend who was young, healthy, fell, and hit the back of his head on a tile floor. He lived alone and by the time people realized he wasn't responding to calls or texts and someone came by to check on him, it was too late. The doctors said he had suffered a massive brain bleed and likely died very quickly.
My friend, do not isolate. You might feel like you need time alone to process this tragedy, but family, friends and church will be there to help you pick up the pieces.
You are in our prayers. God bless.
Some time alone can be healthy, but agreed, you need to even ask people you’ve been through shit with to please call if they don’t hear from you and snap you back. It’s really easy to withdraw, but you do need to be comfortable with yourself and have time to process.
Exercise is also incredibly important. Something about the cadence and letting your mind drift while your body moves helps a lot.
I'm very sorry to hear this. It's gonna be rough the next little bit for you, but you can get through this.
My girlfriend passed away in early 2020. On one hand, I was really upset with her that she left me to deal with all this covid collapse of functional society BS by myself. But on the other, much larger hand, I recognize that she is in a much better place now, and since she was a nurse, I am SUPER glad she didn't have to live through this insane nightmare.
It took me a while to care about anything. I just did what I needed to do and focused on day by day. Eat, sleep, do the dishes, keep the house clean. I packed up, sold the house, and I moved across country, and I kept doing the same thing: eat, sleep, exercise, work, clean the house, take care of the cats.
They always tell you that time heals all wounds, and while some wounds never heal completely: from experience I can tell you that it WILL get better. You just have to make it there.
Fellow WA pede here. Moved from west side near Puyallup out to a 300 person town in the middle of the wheat fields. I love WA. The taxes and Govenor low fat whale pebis, but I love it here. MANY pedes here. Inslee also didn't win up here. Culp whooped his ass. 2 ballot dumps of 81k votes just minutes apart once polls closed and they called it for Inslee.
It's pretty much only in the heart of the couple of big cities in Oregon and Washington were the commies reside. Even in the Portland metro area it seems to be totally taken over but really it's only in a few pockets. There's more of us than there is of them! I live roughly 25-30ish miles south of Portland, they stick out like a sore thumb when they are about 5-10 miles outside their little strongholds and they know it.
Oh I’m so sorry to hear that Fren. Just said a prayer for you and asked that God rest her soul. If we are to assume (correctly and so very obviously) that the soul lives on, then she’s ok. Now is time for you to grieve, to honor your great love for her. But do so knowing that the very essence of who you knew on this earth is still very much alive! Know that, know that God is great and know that you have more frens than you know! We rejoice together, and we grieve together. We pray for each other, for our beloved nation, for all of God’s creation. I don’t know you personally, I’m a big, gnarly, super-straight and patriotic welder and I love you fren.🙏🏼
After time of grieving I would recommend seeing a therapist. I went to one after a while after one of my parents died and it helped me a lot more than I thought. Try a few therapists until you start feeling better but you also have to be very honest and open about how you are feeling. It is very uncomfortable at first but that’s how you heal. Sorry for your loss.
That's a hurdle I want to do, but I'm kind of old fashioned and and can't comprehend how talking to a stranger Ina professional setting would help. I'm a little apprehensive. What made you get over the hurdle?
I read somewhere a very good strategy was to go out for a run. Do not use the treadmill.
Was a Psychologist who helped a friend of him, his wife died.
The trick was, that the eyes move while running (mostly horizontally). When he used the treadmill it stopped working.
Hiking/backpacking too. I was hiking sometimes 60+ miles per week throughout and after a divorce and the cadence of the movement, times where I had to focus and the sounds of dirt underfoot really helped me hold some shit together. I was either working, driving to a trailhead or sleeping for almost a year and went from 260 down to 190 lb — probably would have hit 175 if I hadn’t made it a point to throw a few tall boys in the bag lol
The key is to find a therapist you “click” with. It’s ok to shop around. Also, it’s not like they demand you to pour out your darkest secrets. It’s all at your pace. You build a relationship, and it can be nice to have somewhere to work things out where the person is objective, won’t feed you any drama or bullshit, and has your best interest in mind. And unless they think you are seriously going to go out and harm someone else or harm yourself, it is confidential. No spouse, parent, boss, or anyone else can see your information.
The whole system pisses me off in a way... you can’t see a therapist anonymously. I don’t trust the government not to issue some retarded rule like “if you see a therapist for any reason you’re disqualified from owning a firearm” and having Robert’s and that other twat say “sounds good to us!”
What made me get over the hurdle was things kept getting worse and I had no other options so I said fuck it. Felt the same way you did too. It’s worth it I recommend it to anyone struggling but you still need to find the right therapist because some do suck. Just can’t give up looking.
I am not a therapist, but I do have a friend with PTSD. Think of it as not really talking to someone else, but as using someone else for you to talk things through with yourself. Someone to ask questions that are relevant and to push you to think about what you hadn't thought of before.
I'm not my friends therapist of course, he's going th rough it mostly on his own, I am more of a sounding board for him to talk things through his thought processes. And to figure things out on his own. And with some confirmation/question asking (does this affect you, or does this instead, etc)
This. I personally went to counseling with my priest after my grandfather died. We were very close so it was a very dark time for me. It helped to rebuild my sense of hope.
My dear, take it from someone who has gone through a lot -- a deep, conscious breath releases a lot of tension in your chest and the rest of your body, for that matter. It's the first thing you should do when encountering adversity as it also helps you think.
Don't mock and shun advice from people who are giving it out of good will. It's not healthy for you.
OP is still dodging the question or has not seen it. Or does the truth hurt? A simple yes or no would work. Don't ask for sympathy from someone who took the jab. They will get no sympathy from me.
Sorry pede. Much love. I hope you find inner peace and happiness in good time and I hope you will have the strenght to love and accept you, yourself during this time.
For what’s it’s worth, wife and I are going through a divorce, all her decision. It’s pretty devastating, but therapy has been amazing. I have a therapist I video conference with and it’s made a huge difference. Just someone to get my thoughts out of my head with who will listen.
If you’re not already doing it, get moving outside - walking/running/hiking/etc. It was invaluable to me during my divorce.
Pro-tip: cut your expenses to the bone now and save every cent you can. The couple years after my divorce we’re really challenging but definitely left me a lot stronger.
Sorry to hear that fren, if you're near austin, shoot me a message. Do what you gotta do, let it out. Never forget you are not alone, many of us can relate and we're still here.
I am praying for you fren, and will pray for you tomorrow. My husband died in my arms. It almost killed me. By the 3rd day, I felt a black pit opening up at my feet. I actually could feel it pulling at me, sucking me down into despair. My heart wanted to give up and fall in, but I prayed to God for help and he pulled me back.
When you lose your spouse, you lose everything: everything you had planned, all of your future, all that you work at every day, is instantly wiped out. There's no getting it back. But marriage and love themselves were given to us as a glimpse of the real meaning of life, which is living in the love of God. God is real, and his love for us is real. Ask him to fill the void in your life.
I don’t know how you feel, but I think I understand. My wife of 16 years died unexpectedly 3 years ago. Devastated me, but time and God has carried me through it. I pray God gives you peace during this time.
May the Lord our God give you comfort in this time of sadness fren. Be at peace
Sorrow makes the heart grow wise.
> This is why I am a genius.
That's how I learned to live.
"Grief is the tax you pay on love" .....
Oh wow 😳. How true. Seek counseling. Grief counselors are very helpful. I was in an eclectic group of widows and widowers who were still raising children. It's a journey and getting through those levels takes effort. Tears help you heal believe it or not. One day at a time.let people help you..there are angels 😇 close by that will go on walks with you and "listen".
For in much wisdom is much vexation, and he who increases knowledge increases sorrow.
Ecclesiastes.
Really? Did he send a lightning bolt or some shit?
Coming from someone who lost her husband 12 years ago, just remember there’s no right or wrong way to grieve. Don’t ever let anybody tell you if, or when, you should be moving on. Only you know in your heart, how you feel. Just take it one day at a time, and trust in the Lord to comfort you during this time. I am so sorry for your loss. It is a difficult one.!
I am so sorry for your loss 💔 I can't even imagine. If it isn't too much to ask: Coming from a wife who is terminally ill, do you have any advice on how I can help my husband with all this? I have come to terms with everything, but he has had a very hard time and I am not sure what to do or say, sometimes 😕
i dont id as a christian, but that was the most beautiful prayer. AMEN
Agreed. Why's the room looking so watery all of a sudden?
Amen
Amen
Amen
I have nothing to contribute to this, I just want to show you support. Peace to you, fren.
Sweet.
Record something for him. Tell him you love him, but tell him you're ok and he made your life wonderful. Tell him if he feels guilty about anything, that none of it matters anymore and you forgive him. And you hope he can forgive you too for anything at all.
The girl I was going to marry isn't dead as far as I know, but that's all I think about when I think of her. 13 years alone now, depressed, still in love with her and I can't even remember what her voice sounds like. And all I can think about is trying to tell her I'm sorry for the way that I was. I hope every day that she got what she wanted in life and found a better man than me.
you're going to break my heart. I hope you find a woman who appreciates the man that you are now. Don't close your heart to her when she finds you.
I've put up some high walls. I keep everybody at a distance with a little charm and a little humor. I just don't want anyone to get close enough that I'd be vulnerable again. If someone ever took the time to get over the walls I've put up, I might consider being vulnerable again. Let my walls protect us both, I guess. But no one's interested and that's alright. I'm not the first person that was lonely, I won't be the last. It's part of the human condition.
Same boat. I've broken many hearts and had mine broken as well. I can't do it anymore. When I finally grew up at 50 years old, I realized that I never met a girl/ woman that I would trust with my life. I'm still good friends with my ex wife and that's good enough for me. I get lonely on the weekends, but I only know of like 2 couples that are happily married. I know plenty that are miserable. I just don't have what it takes anymore to sustain a relationship. I don't want to be vulnerable ever again. I make excuses to avoid meeting people. I avoid social environments and any place I might encounter good looking women. Pretty lame.
I'm 36. For the last 13 years, I've been putting all the energy that I'd use to sustain a relationship into learning. Teaching myself everything I can get my hands on. Gunsmithing, bowyer, language, fine arts, anything. Civilize the mind, but make savage the body. I've been dieting and working out. Even though I may never see her again, I'm trying to become the man I always thought she deserved.
We all have each other, though. I'm happy enough.
I'm sure you can find a nice women to be a friend on the weekends. There's plenty of single women out there.
That's true. However I do believe we are meant to share our existence. And I will also say that one can love and be loved without necessarily allowing oneself to be hurt and/or vulnerable. I have a very good relationship with my second husband, but after an abusive and disastrous first marriage and some years while hubby #2 suffered from mental issues, I can tell you I am well guarded. But I also recognize the benefits of growing old with someone who is mostly like minded to myself and I am glad for the companionship and I have the benefit of knowing he is truly devoted to me. I wish you all the best.
I can absolutely relate to everything you said. Of course there is tons more to it but I don't feel this is the time on this post to talk about it. Just know that you aren't alone and that I know your pain well.
Dude.... idk who you are, but God bless you is all I can say. You have a tremendous soul
Thank you. Hopefully the Governor of Alabama in a decade or two. My campaign slogan will be "I just wanted to be left alone."
That’d be great to have a fellow pede as governor
I'm so tired of the Montgomery aristocrats and old money running Alabama. If I didn't have this crusade, I'd truly have no reason to wake up in the morning lol
jesus, you gotta problem
get some therapy
lmao I probably need it.
I have to admit I go to r/grief sometimes to let off steam about the loss of my mother. Most of them are probably pink haired commies, thinking I am one of them. However, they have been very empathetic to me and write some kind hearted replies. Now if they knew I was a conservative, I would probably be told I deserve to suffer, lol.
those reddit groups are full of meaningless bromides and people giving bad advice
/r/suicide pushes people off the roof
i have been on that sub
everyone is like "it will be alright" and "there is no reason to do this"
the exact wrong things to say
Hey pede- I just wanted to say, I understand where you are coming from. We all wonder what the point is in this crazy clown world. But then you look around and see the crazy pedes wrecking face on the commies. That's what to look forward to, man. Keep a bit of hope that one day you too can wreck a commies day. Hopefully this helps you a bit, may God's peace be with you!
If you ever need to talk let me know, I can't ever let somebody in need down :)
Just want to let you know I’m praying for you and your family and asking God to help you find answers.
Sorry to hear about your loss. It is difficult. So difficult. I wouldn’t wish it on anybody.
Very sorry for your loss.
Same fren. 😢
I am sorry for your loss Patriot. Ihope you have plenty of happy memories of your wife to bring you joy and some peace.
I disagree, my wife's cousin dove headfirst into heroin after his 1 year old daughter died. Granted he had a addiction problem before she died.
Well if he had addiction problems before the child died, then addiction could be the problem don’t you think.
But I wasn’t referring to people using drugs or drinking as a means of grieving.
I was referring to the point that, as a widow… Nobody wants to be around you. They don’t know what to say, they don’t know what to do, and for some reason they think they’re responsible or something.
Then there’s the people that try and tell you a year out, that you need to MoveOn, get over it, and find somebody else.
It’s been 12 years for me, and I have never remarried, and I may never do that. There are other reasons for that as well, but up until two years ago when my cousin stole my wedding ring I was still wearing my wedding band every day.
My comment was merely stating that each person is going to grieve in a different way. Some people never get over it, and I don’t recommend that, but I wouldn’t begrudge somebody because they’re still suffering.
I also didn’t mention that when my husband died in the hospital, his parents didn’t call me down there because his mom admitted him as single. They pulled the plug on him without me being there or my permission. I didn’t find out about that till several years afterwards. Because they had lied to me! Also too late to file a case against them because of the time limits.
Last March, I finally for gave them. I sent them a letter, and for gave them for taking away my right to say goodbye to my husband before he died. It was huge for me, because I help unforgiveness in my heart for so many years. But all it did was destroy me, they’ve never said they’re sorry, and they’ve never even admitted they’ve done anything wrong. But I’m free now. I have no ill will towards them, and I am finally free of that unforgiveness.
There’s so much more to the story, but I’m not gonna waste my time right now. I don’t recommend using drugs or drinking to deal with grief. So that was not what my comment was about at all.
But as usual on PDW - thank you for your positive uplifting comment!
Had a brother to drown 20 years ago and I have never gotten over it.
One expression that's helped me in the past is that 'the burden of sorrow does not lessen, but we become stronger so we can carry it'.
I dont want to push away the thoughts of lost loved ones that make me sad, I want to remember them, but those thoughts sure are hard to carry every day. I hope things get easier for you soon, and tha you're able to reconcile this shitty unfair life in a way that helps you and your loved ones as much as can be.
In case it helps, in my family we will often name the new kids after the family they'll never meet. This way they'll always have that connection and curiosity about their namesake.
I like that. Thanks.
Hopefully not too many out-dated names, like Dick or Gertrude or something. :)
Totally understandable. What amazes me, as I still have some of these people on Facebook. I don’t go there but maybe every three or four months. But they’ve all gotten on with their life no problem. It’s just so weird!
As you reiterated, we all deal with grief differently.
Sorry to hear about your loss.
I lost both of my younger brothers 5 yrs apart and it has been 19 & 14 years of missing them daily. One passed away from complications from diabetes the other was murdered grief stays with you but you live with it for them do things you know they would want to do .
Sorry to hear about your loss.
Ouch JustInTime2. I'm really sorry to hear that.
Lost my forever husband 4 years ago. I agree no one can tell you when to 'move on", My husbands mom even told me it was time to move on. Thank you for sharing your story.
You’re very welcome. Grief is a very difficult thing, four years is nothing so far. I’m not trying to say that in a rude way, I’m just saying 4 years is not a long time to have to deal with the loss like that. I pray that the Lord gets you through it and in time that you can MoveOn in a way that you can live a better life. That doesn’t mean you’ll get another partner, but at least try to deal with daily life without your life partner
very kind of you
What an amazing story of grace in spite of your pain. Thanks for taking the time to share it.
You’re welcome. It was a long time coming and I did have a lot of hate in my heart for a long time but not anymore and it feels great. It’s actually a wonderful feeling. God bless you and have a great day!
WOW. This hits in the feels. You are a survivor.
I agree with you. Everybody grieves in their own way.
As an aside... I think those grieving by utilizing their addictions suffer the most - so I do think they require some love as well. I think we all struggle with addictions. No matter how small, sin is sin.
Thanks FREN!
I totally understand about the addiction portion. I suffered from addiction for 13 years when I was younger. It is difficult, everybody deserves love, and I think if more people were loving and kind and compassionate to others they would be less evil in the world. Yes even the smallest of sins is sin. That’s why we need Jesus. It’s so simple. God bless you and have a great night!
God bless you. Sending you a hug
Thank you… Hug received and greatly appreciated
Also… I can’t imagine losing a child. It was hard enough losing my husband, but losing a child tears marriages apart. I hope things are going better for that person.
That's not grieving, that's avoiding the problem by abusing yourself.
doing heroin isn't grieving. it's hiding from the grief
Pointless post. Legalize grief heroin
Adding: when one day at a time is too overwhelming, just try to get through it an hour at a time.
Don't try to not be sad. In my experience that doesn't work, most vices don't work either. Talking does help but it takes time and seeking numbness is seductive but didn't help me.
Sometimes it's easier at first to talk to strangers then a priest, therapist or a group help some people; family and friends are better for others. I made a lot of bad choices before making better ones and for me that may have been the only path.
Try and forgive yourself if you don't get it right at first I don't think anybody does.... I've lost so many friends and loved ones over the years I ought to be good at it by now, I'm not.
what's the last place you saw him?
We had sex at his parents house on the couch in the back room. That’s the last time I saw him.
He did come visit me in my room the first year that he was gone, along with our cat that had died the same day. I would sit and talk with him, he would just listen.
what a great memory
i guess he took the cat so he would not feel lonely or something
Yeah I went to the store to get a pack of cigarettes, when I came back and the cat ran under my truck, I broke her back. We spent the night at the animal hospital. It was a very awkward situation, my daughter had to deal with most of it she was a teenager at the time. The only thing that comforted me is my friend said that maybe Aaron was on the other side, and he was calling her to him because there was a disturbance in his passing and he needed her. It was a very sad day indeed.
that is all true
they have been reunited
Yes they have. Yes they have!
You mean he came to visit you as a ghost? Sorry if I misunderstand.
Yes! There are many other times in different places. Oddly enough at my friends house in Los Angeles. But they had a lot of paranormal activity in the area.
That would freak me out. I had a dream about someone close to me who had died. Even in my dream I kinda freaked.
Actually I wasn’t afraid at all. I’m kind of an empath, or have had premonitions about things, that have come true. I have many more other encounters with the other side long before my husband passed. I could tell you many stories, but we’ll just stick with the one with my husband and my cat masquerade.
Lord, FormerLibtard94 has lost his earthly love, and he's heartbroken. Please send your Holy Spirit to strengthen and guide him over the coming days.
Shower him with your love, and shelter his girlfriend under your wing, until they can meet again before your throne with joy.
I need to learn how to pray like this pede. Well said, and amen.
Read the psalms, out loud if possible.
And read Isaiah chapter 53 (see name of commenter above).
God is on P.Win?
oh man, I'm in trouble
God has your password for every site, yo.
and he watches porn
Dear Heavenly Father I lift up OP to you. We ask father, they would send your mighty angels all around him and his house, to comfort him in this time of trouble. We ask Lord that you would provide to him in a supernatural way, for him to know and understand why his girlfriend is gone now. I pray that she knew you as her Lord and Savior, and that OP does too. Show OP pay your love, kindness, and compassion, and your tender mercies. In Jesus name amen!
Hugs friend. It won't be easy but I believe in you. You are worthy of this next challenge. Cherish those you love, grow, fight like hell. I am with you
I’m so sorry fren. May she rest in eternal peace. So many young ones are dying unexpectedly it is such a tragedy.
"unexpectedly"
Oh my god man. Just died? Was she older? I'm so sorry. I'd be destroyed if I lost my wife.
so be greatful every minute and love her like there is no tomorrow
People die unexpectedly of heart conditions, embolisms, accidents. It isn't our business.
This.
Wow. So sorry.
Well f*ck this wasn’t the thread I was looking for as I lay my head on a pillow next to my wife and young child. I’m a man of strong faith but narily doth I profess a steely indifference to the thought of those closest to me passing suddenly. Protect us with your infinite love and mercy O Jah
Well I mean, he is a former libtard... but I get your point
She was probably vaccinated
This is what we all want to know
it wont help. its still a profound loss.
Seriously. When I was 37 I nearly died from a ruptured brain aneurysm. I was in peak physical health. It would have been extremely unexpected for everyone that knows me.
same here except I did die
like the Spanish Inquisition, no one expected it
Brain Aneurysm https://youtu.be/ATGaybgla0w?t=66
Or double jabbed.
Could be accidental - may have gotten hit by a car, vaxx might have been involved, may have had an unknown medical condition.....
maybe you should go do one of those things
Could be an accident, medical condition, or murder. Had a friend who was young, healthy, fell, and hit the back of his head on a tile floor. He lived alone and by the time people realized he wasn't responding to calls or texts and someone came by to check on him, it was too late. The doctors said he had suffered a massive brain bleed and likely died very quickly.
My friend, do not isolate. You might feel like you need time alone to process this tragedy, but family, friends and church will be there to help you pick up the pieces. You are in our prayers. God bless.
Some time alone can be healthy, but agreed, you need to even ask people you’ve been through shit with to please call if they don’t hear from you and snap you back. It’s really easy to withdraw, but you do need to be comfortable with yourself and have time to process.
Exercise is also incredibly important. Something about the cadence and letting your mind drift while your body moves helps a lot.
very kind words
how nice you assume he goes to church
I’m so sorry.
I'm very sorry to hear this. It's gonna be rough the next little bit for you, but you can get through this.
My girlfriend passed away in early 2020. On one hand, I was really upset with her that she left me to deal with all this covid collapse of functional society BS by myself. But on the other, much larger hand, I recognize that she is in a much better place now, and since she was a nurse, I am SUPER glad she didn't have to live through this insane nightmare.
It took me a while to care about anything. I just did what I needed to do and focused on day by day. Eat, sleep, do the dishes, keep the house clean. I packed up, sold the house, and I moved across country, and I kept doing the same thing: eat, sleep, exercise, work, clean the house, take care of the cats.
They always tell you that time heals all wounds, and while some wounds never heal completely: from experience I can tell you that it WILL get better. You just have to make it there.
Good luck pede and God bless you and your family.
srsly, that was your first thought?
holy gos things are fucked up
Sorry fren! If you live anywhere near me, I'd be happy to meet up. Washington state.
Washington State... Yikes! That's deep in the heart of the Commie Coast.
Non-Commies still live here, we are holding the line.
The condition of your state and the Lefties leaking out into all our nice red states would call that statement into question.
WA is still America and some of us love it enough to want it stay part of America.
Your mileage may vary, perhaps you think we should just abandon the west coast. I'm not there yet, and hopefully will never have to be.
Fellow WA pede here. Moved from west side near Puyallup out to a 300 person town in the middle of the wheat fields. I love WA. The taxes and Govenor low fat whale pebis, but I love it here. MANY pedes here. Inslee also didn't win up here. Culp whooped his ass. 2 ballot dumps of 81k votes just minutes apart once polls closed and they called it for Inslee.
WA is definitely not a lost cause.
Same here in CA. Behind the lines; commies ain't forcin' me out. No sense going to TX or ID, both places will be fuk'd soon.
Also behind enemy lines. There's a lot of us.
You are not behind enemy lines
CA is lost, it is no longer America
which means you are the enemy
Damn, that's one hell of a retard pretzel you twisted yourself into there.
Yes. Land of the un-free. Home of the brainwashed.
It's pretty much only in the heart of the couple of big cities in Oregon and Washington were the commies reside. Even in the Portland metro area it seems to be totally taken over but really it's only in a few pockets. There's more of us than there is of them! I live roughly 25-30ish miles south of Portland, they stick out like a sore thumb when they are about 5-10 miles outside their little strongholds and they know it.
Exactly. If we just ran everytime we lost a state, libs would own the country top to bottom by now.
You read too into that, in the wrong way.
"Yikes" as in, man that sucks to be living around so many commies.....
Keep up the fight fren!
YOU HAVE NO IDEA....its really horrible. Inslee and Gates ....you cant get much worse.
The Lord has taken her to prepare a place for you fren. Hang in there and our prayers are with you
Oh I’m so sorry to hear that Fren. Just said a prayer for you and asked that God rest her soul. If we are to assume (correctly and so very obviously) that the soul lives on, then she’s ok. Now is time for you to grieve, to honor your great love for her. But do so knowing that the very essence of who you knew on this earth is still very much alive! Know that, know that God is great and know that you have more frens than you know! We rejoice together, and we grieve together. We pray for each other, for our beloved nation, for all of God’s creation. I don’t know you personally, I’m a big, gnarly, super-straight and patriotic welder and I love you fren.🙏🏼
what if OP is not an xian?
what if he worships Satan or something?
Are you a troll? Or just some kind of faggot?
Then that’s on him. I’ll come from a place of Christian compassion until I see cause to do otherwise..
so you think it is okay to offend people because yours is the only religion that matters
if you ever post something of this nature, I'll find some witches to do a spell for you
After time of grieving I would recommend seeing a therapist. I went to one after a while after one of my parents died and it helped me a lot more than I thought. Try a few therapists until you start feeling better but you also have to be very honest and open about how you are feeling. It is very uncomfortable at first but that’s how you heal. Sorry for your loss.
That's a hurdle I want to do, but I'm kind of old fashioned and and can't comprehend how talking to a stranger Ina professional setting would help. I'm a little apprehensive. What made you get over the hurdle?
I read somewhere a very good strategy was to go out for a run. Do not use the treadmill. Was a Psychologist who helped a friend of him, his wife died. The trick was, that the eyes move while running (mostly horizontally). When he used the treadmill it stopped working.
They use this also for therapy for PTSD.
THIS. My brother really got into running 5Ks and 10Ks after cancer took his wife and it definitely helped.
Hiking/backpacking too. I was hiking sometimes 60+ miles per week throughout and after a divorce and the cadence of the movement, times where I had to focus and the sounds of dirt underfoot really helped me hold some shit together. I was either working, driving to a trailhead or sleeping for almost a year and went from 260 down to 190 lb — probably would have hit 175 if I hadn’t made it a point to throw a few tall boys in the bag lol
that did not work for the jogger
interesting
The key is to find a therapist you “click” with. It’s ok to shop around. Also, it’s not like they demand you to pour out your darkest secrets. It’s all at your pace. You build a relationship, and it can be nice to have somewhere to work things out where the person is objective, won’t feed you any drama or bullshit, and has your best interest in mind. And unless they think you are seriously going to go out and harm someone else or harm yourself, it is confidential. No spouse, parent, boss, or anyone else can see your information.
The whole system pisses me off in a way... you can’t see a therapist anonymously. I don’t trust the government not to issue some retarded rule like “if you see a therapist for any reason you’re disqualified from owning a firearm” and having Robert’s and that other twat say “sounds good to us!”
See a priest. Or a life coach. Not necessarily a therapist but sometimes all we need is a kind ear and encouragement.
What made me get over the hurdle was things kept getting worse and I had no other options so I said fuck it. Felt the same way you did too. It’s worth it I recommend it to anyone struggling but you still need to find the right therapist because some do suck. Just can’t give up looking.
I am not a therapist, but I do have a friend with PTSD. Think of it as not really talking to someone else, but as using someone else for you to talk things through with yourself. Someone to ask questions that are relevant and to push you to think about what you hadn't thought of before.
I'm not my friends therapist of course, he's going th rough it mostly on his own, I am more of a sounding board for him to talk things through his thought processes. And to figure things out on his own. And with some confirmation/question asking (does this affect you, or does this instead, etc)
This. I personally went to counseling with my priest after my grandfather died. We were very close so it was a very dark time for me. It helped to rebuild my sense of hope.
🙏🏼
Breathe.
You are not alone.
yes, deeply and often
he has been turning blue waiting for someone to tell him that
My dear, take it from someone who has gone through a lot -- a deep, conscious breath releases a lot of tension in your chest and the rest of your body, for that matter. It's the first thing you should do when encountering adversity as it also helps you think.
Don't mock and shun advice from people who are giving it out of good will. It's not healthy for you.
whoosh
She did not get the jab by chance? Did she?
That was my thought too.
yeah, that's the only thing that kills people
According to the MSM, it is.
OP is still dodging the question or has not seen it. Or does the truth hurt? A simple yes or no would work. Don't ask for sympathy from someone who took the jab. They will get no sympathy from me.
I'm very sorry for your loss, fren.
🙏🏻
Jab
It's a killer.
Condolences & Prayers, fren.
Sorry pede. Much love. I hope you find inner peace and happiness in good time and I hope you will have the strenght to love and accept you, yourself during this time.
Very sorry for your loss.
very sorry to hear that. May she rest in peace
Praying for you, friend.
For what’s it’s worth, wife and I are going through a divorce, all her decision. It’s pretty devastating, but therapy has been amazing. I have a therapist I video conference with and it’s made a huge difference. Just someone to get my thoughts out of my head with who will listen.
If you’re not already doing it, get moving outside - walking/running/hiking/etc. It was invaluable to me during my divorce.
Pro-tip: cut your expenses to the bone now and save every cent you can. The couple years after my divorce we’re really challenging but definitely left me a lot stronger.
Very sorry for your loss.
Is it bad form to ask what happened?
may you find peace soon
Whoa dude......
I'm extremely sorry to hear that.....
We are here for you if you need us, fren.
So very sorry, fren. Praying for ya.
Prayers to you!
Find a therapist, it’ll help you make sense of your thoughts and feelings.
🙏
Totally understandable in that instance to feel like that good pede. We’re here for you how we can be. Praying for you too!
You are never alone. God is watching over you and your girl.
I'm sorry pede! Try to keep your head up. You can move forward without moving on. God speed
God bless and keep her, may the angels of light open their arms and welcome her into his Kingdom.
There isn't anything to be said that can help with the pain you are going through. I have and will pray for you Pede.
You are not alone. Reach out to anyone here if you need to.
May God be with you and may your girlfriend be welcomed into his kingdom.
Vax?
I am very sorry for your loss, Fren.
Sorry to hear that fren, if you're near austin, shoot me a message. Do what you gotta do, let it out. Never forget you are not alone, many of us can relate and we're still here.
So sorry for your loss. We'll remember you and your dear departed in prayer.
:( We love you pede!
I am praying for you fren, and will pray for you tomorrow. My husband died in my arms. It almost killed me. By the 3rd day, I felt a black pit opening up at my feet. I actually could feel it pulling at me, sucking me down into despair. My heart wanted to give up and fall in, but I prayed to God for help and he pulled me back.
When you lose your spouse, you lose everything: everything you had planned, all of your future, all that you work at every day, is instantly wiped out. There's no getting it back. But marriage and love themselves were given to us as a glimpse of the real meaning of life, which is living in the love of God. God is real, and his love for us is real. Ask him to fill the void in your life.
very kind of you
I'm sorry for your grave loss
I don’t know how you feel, but I think I understand. My wife of 16 years died unexpectedly 3 years ago. Devastated me, but time and God has carried me through it. I pray God gives you peace during this time.
vaccinated? unexpectedly comes from that nowadays.
RIP. Do not forget to do what you whant to do. Before you know it's over that's life.